How to Stop Being Viewed As a Nerd

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Easy ways to tweak your image and leave the nerdy stereotype behind

Co-authored by Ashley Smith, PhD

Last Updated: March 31, 2023 References

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Changing Your Appearance

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Acting Less Nerdy

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Being True to Yourself

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Expert Q&A

While there's certainly nothing wrong with being a nerd, and certainly nothing wrong with being yourself, sometimes life demands we act as social chameleons. Whether its for a job fair or for meeting a new group of people, there are occasions where some harmless conformity is necessary. Fortunately this is as simple as dressing down, being engaged and acting socially neutral.

Things You Should Know

Wear neutral-colored clothing in classic styles. If you wear glasses, upgrade to a more fashionable pair or try contact lenses.
Stand up straight, speak clearly, and engage with other people so you don't come off as shy or awkward. Be open to trying new things.
Stay true to yourself as you tweak your image. Don't change into a totally different person or leave your friends behind.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Changing Your Appearance

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1
Avoid dressing "nerdy." The most powerful social stereotypes towards nerdy people concern their clothing and appearance. Society anticipates a nerd as someone who is dressed slovenly or unkempt. Perhaps some or all of their clothing is branded by icons from their favorite movies or video games. If you're looking to not be seen as a nerd--for whatever reason--look to your appearance first.
- Avoid over-accessorizing. Most people see nerds as wearing their interests, so keep away from big logos or clothes with images.
- Consider contact lenses if you wear glasses. Alternatively, choose glasses that look cool or fashionable. Recently, as in the last 10 years or so, traditional nerdy glasses has become popular with the non-nerd crowd so you may not want to ditch your old nerdy glasses yet. Just be sure to wear non-nerdy fashionable clothing while you do wear these glasses.
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Dress neutrally. Especially for those looking for social camouflage in a professional environment, wear nothing which you might say "makes a statement." Avoid bright colors, anything overly provocative, and anything with words or symbols. Save your fun clothes for when you can be your fun self; don't let your clothes give any impression when you're trying to get by unnoticed.
- Men: wear slacks and a button-down dress shirt, tucked in with a belt. If it's not a formal occasion, try jeans and a plain, well-fitting t-shirt.
- Women: wear slacks and a modest shirt or blouse for formal occasions. For casual occasions, jeans and fitted t-shirts are classic.
- Both genders: look to your peers or brows through fashion magazines for ideas on what to wear.^{[1]
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Pay attention to contemporary fashion trends. What some term "nerd chic" is seeping into the fashion world, so don't be afraid to re-work some stuff you've already got. For either of the sexes, don't shy away from simply mimicking contemporary trends in pursuit of not looking nerdy.
- Formal wear turned casual is a good idea, particularly for men. If you have a sports jacket or suit coat that fits well, try wearing it with an image-less t-shirt and jeans.
- If you're really trying to flush away your nerd image, swing to the other side of the pendulum and dress "preppy."

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Acting Less Nerdy

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To combat the common view that nerds obsess to the exclusion of others, never be afraid to try new things, especially in any setting where you're trying not to be seen as nerdy. Look to be the first one around to step up to the group activity, to offer to get the circle started in karaoke, or to be the first in the pool.
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Listen and engage. If people expect a nerd to be over-eager about the topics they love and apathetic about anything else, upend their expectation by being a focused, active listener.
- Show interest in what others say by asking related questions. For example, if they play the violin, you could ask "What's your favorite thing about playing it?"
- Don't answer every question in class, even if you know the answers. People may see this as showing off. Let someone else take the spotlight now and then.
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Stand tall and speak up. A big part of the nerd stereotype is the expectation of shyness and social ineptitude. If you're looking to shed that skin, the first and most important factor is knowing how to speak up for yourself. This doesn't mean becoming harsh or abrasive, but instead learning to have confidence in what you're saying in any conversation.
- Mind your posture. "Stand tall" isn't just a phrase, it's good advice. Be sure not to slouch in order to appear interested.
- Don't be afraid to offer your own opinions. Disagreements are often a sign of resolve and confidence, as long as they are done politely.
- Speak up when conversing, and do your best to appear relaxed (even if you're not) when doing so.^{[2]
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Don't over-obsess. Though popularly associated with a love of gaming (whether electronic or table top), comics, and movies, most people would label "nerd" anyone who had a special affection for something, even if only ping pong or ballet. So, keep a check on your own obsessions when looking to disguise your nerdiness, but be sure to save time for them after the fact.
- In a conversation, don't rush to talk about your favorite thing. Don't ignore it, but allow your opposite in the conversation draw it casually out of you.
- If you're the academic sort, find hobbies outside of your education. Remember that emotional and social intelligence is crafted outside of the classroom.
- Avoid overwhelming the conversation with your knowledge. Offer little, but always welcome questions.^{[3]
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Part 3

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Being True to Yourself

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1
Keep good friends. Hopefully, you'll be able to drop the social chameleon bit some time. It helps to have good friends who know you for you, and who share your interests. Whether it's work or school that calls for hiding one's self, it's always important to have least one other person around whom you can let your guard down.
- There's nothing wrong with having friends who are different from you too! If you get along well with another person, then there's no reason not to be friends.
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Don't forget your own self. If you get too caught up in playing another version of yourself, you risk losing who you've been. Or, in a more real sense, you risk alienating the people who are close to you. If cloaking your nerdiness is a means to the attention of others, don't get trapped playing that part forever.^{[4]
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- Don't lie or feign interest in something just to hide yourself. It not only offends the other person, it's demeaning to you.
- The most important thing you can do is to stay true to your values. Your values are your personal compass—they tell you who you want to be and what you want to stand for.^{[5]
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  Ashley Smith, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.}
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Learn to balance. If you truly find yourself so overwhelmed by accusations of nerdiness, consider re-evaluating your interests and hobbies. Don't change just for the sake of change, but really take the time to make sure you're not only staying in your comfort zone for the benefit of being comfortable.
- Life is enriched by trying new things and by making sure we don't focus on any one thing at the expense of another.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do I train myself to be more confident?

Ashley Smith, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Ashley Smith is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Co-Founder of Peak Mind: The Center for Psychological Strength. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in treating anxiety and obsessive-compulsive spectrum disorders using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Dr. Smith has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post and Thrive Global. She has also been published in multiple peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Anxiety Disorders and The Behavior Therapist. Dr. Smith holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Central Arkansas and both an MA and PhD in Clinical Psychology from The University of Nebraska, Lincoln.

Ashley Smith, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Confidence is best gained through experience. Putting yourself out there really is a win/win—you'll either get a lot of positive feedback, which makes you feel good, or you'll get negative feedback, which makes you realize that other people's opinions and judgements don't matter.

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