An awfully big misadventure, this Spanish mauling of JM Barrie's masterpiece flies into the Garrick and crash-lands belly up. There are no survivors. Such is the mind-boggling awfulness of this family show, performed in Spanish with inept English surtitles, that you wish the Lost Boys had not shot at Wendy but taken aim at this great white elephant and finished it off instead. My youngest daughter - a stoic survivor of such theatrical catastrophes as Fireman Sam Live on Stage and The Man in the Iron Mask - refused point blank to return with me after the interval.
Peter Pan is the most thrilling and heartbreaking of stories, but this travesty turns it into an all-singing, all-dancing laser show that makes the average English pantomime version look classy. Cristina Fargas's adaptation guts the narrative and robs the story of its emotional nuance. Every single song would fail to win the Eurovision Song Contest and the choreography hails from the dark ages. The Lost Boys are so irritating it is clear that they did not fall out of their prams but were pushed by parents desperate to be rid of them.
Substituting hyperactivity and cheerfulness for charm, this show gets almost everything wrong - from the Darlings' London home, which appears to be modelled out of Plasticine, to Nana the dog, who the family have mysteriously failed to notice is a terrifying shaggy mutant the size of a small rhino.
The show's publicity proudly announces that one million Spaniards have seen this show, which just goes to prove that there is no accounting for statistics.
· Until April 27. Box office: 0870 040 0046.