100 Lives I've Lived

One of my all time favorite roles was Masha in Christopher Durang's "Vanya and Sonya and Masha and Spike". This was my thesis production in grad school in 2016, directed by Michael Blatt. We worked on this piece for an entire year, while we completed coursework in school and productions outside of school (and held down jobs, and relationships, and living in NYC). This role was a dream for me, because it was an escape from a lot of the things I find challenging in my own life. Masha is not a people-pleaser, she's loud, and confident, and full of herself, and it felt AMAZING to be able to slip into this character and do and say all the things that I would never say in my real life. This role was therapy (sort of)! If you haven't seen this play, I highly recommend. A modern farce and truly a hilarious script from one of the best comedic contemporary writers of the 21st century.

I performed as a part of the Box and Wine Festival in a show called "MacSpin" written by Seth Freeman. The show was directed by Micke Hayhurst, and featured Travis Stanton-Marrero, Blaine Mizer, and Julia Hays. This was a comedy mashup of Macbeth, and was all meant to be a little silly. And it was. Although it wasn't a huge production, we came second place for Audience Choice in the festival, we had a great time, and we got to play around with some of the most notable characters in the Shakespeare canon. Did it change my life, maybe not, but boy is it ever a sweet memory to enjoy. Some moments in my career have been sweet and enjoyable, and today I was taking time to enjoy the memory of working on such a light frothy piece with a talented and easy going cast. Much love as I think of them today!

And then I got the call. The feature film was crowdfunded in 24 hours. And I was going to get to play Tagi one last time.

Listen here about the experience, how it went by so quickly, and how I got to say goodbye to a character I'd known for 15 years, in the best way possible.

Have you ever peed your pants onstage? I have. But I was only 8 years old, and it was an end of year school play about baseball (I think). I was a candy seller, and I was wearing white jeans, and I was completely mortified. I had this memory of this show come back to me and I couldn't figure out why that memory, or why now? I still don't know the answer but I think it has something to do with a leg injury I had overcome at the age of 7 when I broke my femur bone, and was hospitalized for a couple of months. I had to manage 3rd grade at a new school as the "girl in the wheelchair". I made it work, and I also managed to walk again, and dance again, and miraculously it didn't end my dream of being a performer. It could have, but it didn't. I'm grateful I got to have the change to perform again, physically unassisted and able bodied, even if I did pee my pants in the process.

I've had the pleasure of playing one of my favorite roles of all time, Cassie in "A Chorus Line". It played in 2004 for three weeks at Hart House Theatre in Toronto. We got rave reviews. Admittedly, I've been pretty shy about this experience and this role. I see now that I've had a really hard time accepting that I deserved to be the lead, believing that I was allowed to be excellent, and allowed to take credit for that great performance I did. But, all that self- punishing crap is over! I'm thrilled to share with you about my time in that role. From the audition, to the performance, to the things I loved, to a couple of mistakes I made, this episode is a celebration of one of my favorite roles. I'll post accompanying pictures on my Patreon!

In 2010 I recorded two small songs for the Pure Pwnage: teh TV Series show (Showcase/ Hulu). I wasn't cast in the show, but I did get a chance to see one of the main set locations, hang out with the cast and meet Melanie, and record a couple of tracks that appeared on the television series. It was always a good time getting to create with Geoff, and I loved working on the music with him, and was grateful for the chance to contribute. I attended the wrap party for the show (which coincidentally my brother had also worked on in the Locations dept.), and believe it or not, those tracks lead to me getting some other jobs. More about coming soon on the pod!

Around Valentines Day 2007 we opened Nine the Musical at Hart House Theatre in Toronto. I played a named character, but mostly was a member of the glorious chorus in this show, alongside some of my future best friends and favorite people. This show included beautiful music, gorgeous costumes, highly thematic staging and set design, and hilarious performances from my friends. This show was a pure joy to be apart of. And it's reminded me of how the creative process shoud be joyful, and that the best art that I can make should come from that childish and confidently joyful place. I'm looking forward to seeking out more of that feeling in the work I create!

In 2012 I began applying for an Acting MFA in NYC. My first time auditioning I did not get accepted (I did not even get a callback). But it began me on a year long training for the next year's audition. I studied weekly with Broadway and world renowned teachers and performers in NYC to get ready for the grad school auditions, and I learned more in that year of training than I had in the past 10 years of school. The auditions came and went, I did work I never thought I'd be capable of doing, and I got accepted to one of the most formidable programs in NYC, the Actors Studio Drama School at Pace University. This episode is purely about the audition process and training that I underwent to get ready to apply for American MFA programs, I'll speak more in further episodes about grad school itself.

In college I worked at a Lululemon. Of course I did. And I really liked it. I liked the people, I liked the products, and corporate seemed to care about us and our goals both inside and outside of the organization. I sold a lot of stretchy pants and made everyone's butt look good. I still love their pants. Did you know that you can exchange your old worn out pants at their store, because they have a quality promise to their customers? Honestly, I think this company is great. This isn't an endorsement, I just truly like their stuff. I learned that some of my skills are that I like people, I like helping people, and I like wearing comfortable (and kinda futuristic) clothes.

However, I need to curb myself of the habit of trying to tell every employee I encounter there that I used to work there... twenty years ago. I cannot help myself, I say it every time, and each time I'm also quietly telling myself to shut up.

In 2012 I joined the producing team for a one-man show called Tenderpits that performed at Dixon Place, 59E59, and then The Underbelly in Edinburgh at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. This was a pivotable experience for me. I learned so much throughout my time on the Tenderpits team, even if the lesson was ultimately that my talents were better suited elsewhere. But please, remember that the path to self-fulfillment is not going to be linear and that these hiccups are a part of the journey. There were moments I loved, and moments I couldn't forget soon enough. I talk about most of it here on this episode.

In my last year of university around 2007ish, I worked as a hostess and waitress at a cool restaurant in the heart of Toronto. It was busy, and the hours were late, and I'm pretty sure the whole place was run by the mafia. I'm deranged enough that I thought I could befriend the (mafia) owner of the restaurant, and also the rage-fueled chef. I can assure you neither of those things happened.

But I did learn how to lie to people about their wait time for their table to be ready, how to climb a ladder in to the basement which was a thing of nightmares, and how to appreciate that the person who is serving you (whether this is their profession or not) is worthy of respect and understanding because at the end of the day, we go to restaurant to enjoy in the ritual of eating delicious food with people we enjoy. And that is a beautiful thing we should remember to appreciate.

In the fall of 2011 I got my first stage play in NYC, in Misha Shulman's "Deathscape" at Theater For The New City. This was cool, this was avant-garde. Misha was an artist I admired and respected (and he had trained at the Crow's Theatre, so there was that Toronto-connection!). I loved going to the east village for rehearsals and finding new treats and artwork. It was such a beautiful corner of the city in 2011, and so full of life and vitality. We did this show for three weeks and were reviewed in NY Mag, Playbill.com, and Broadwayworld.com. During this project I met some cool puppeteers and performers, and ultimately my next collaborator.

And I had a jazz band with my best friend Claire Duncan. And we called ourselves Little Reds (I had red hair at the time, I forgot to mention that in the episode) and The Wolfson Brothers (aka Jeevan D'Souza and The Wolfson Brothers Band). This was a job that brought me so much joy: I got to make money with my best friend, doing what we loved, and we got to control what we sang, and how we dressed, and what gigs we did. As a bonus, I've included one of our recordings at the end of the episode.

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Thank you in advance, and hope you enjoy the episode.

In this episode I dive into the time I ended up in voiceover performing the lead role for a videogame (Dungeons and Dragons: Daggerdale), and then a motion comic (Lost Girl: the Motion Comic Series) with Bedlam Ink and my friend from university, Navid Khavari. This is beginning of a multi-part series about the voice overs I've done, where I trained, how I got my demos, and the gear I use as well as discussion about the projects themselves.

I got to don some old Hollywood garb and a transatlantic accent for my cameo role in the series Brotherhood of Leet: The 8 Bit Wars, created and produced by Davin Lengyel. In this series I played a starlet in the vein of Rita Hayworth alongside a Clark Gable style actor (played by Geoff Lapaire). It still shocks me that we got to film so much of both Pure Pwnage and this series in the rooms and residences of Massey College, at the University of Toronto. The place was a living antiquity and it felt very special to have even seen inside the place. These acting collaborations lead to musical collaborations with Geoff, and that started my interest in performing as a jazz singer. Also a reminder that actors book work and it might only last a day, so there's a lot of life in between gigs, which is why we truly have so many stories to tell: gotta do something when you're on-set or on contract!

This episode talks more about my time volunteering as an Associate Producer at the Paprika Festival, and some of the incredible opportunities I got to work with professional artists, support youth artists, and perform new works on Tarragon's stages with some directors I idolized in Toronto theatre. That being said, I was doing too much. It was 2008. I was working myself into the ground because I didn't want to miss my chance. I don't regret that I was working too hard, but I see now that I was trying to beat the odds and prove myself and that's not how art works. You can't force yourself to bloom before you grow. This episode pays homage to the talents of Britta Johnson, Rob Kempson, Brendan Healy, Emma Healy, and although I didn't mention it directly, the gratitude I have towards Tessa King and Natasha Mytnowych for their leadership during my time at the Paprika Festival.

In the early 2000s I co-founded a theatre company with some bad ass female creatives called Theatre In Her Shoes. We were driven to tell stories by women, about women and advocate for female playwrights and actresses to tell stories from the uniquely female perspective. We produced multiple reading series, a full production at the Summerworks Festival, and launched our own creative careers. I'm still in touch with Esther Maloney from that collective, and she helped me re-connect to my writing in Jan 2023. I'm grateful for her.

If you'd like to learn more about Esther and her support for artists check her out at https://carmelfutures.com/products/copy-of-the-making-sessions.

Now we delve into the more embarassing gigs that I've had, including playing the title role of Little Bunny Riding Hood in the small touring production of the same name. This role/ play was not a career changer for me (obviously) but it did give me the opportunity to face the challenge of doing a show with a cast mate when we weren't getting along. I don't ever want you to have to deal with this, but if you do, I offer some advice and perspective about holding space for other's opinions and your own in the face of conflict, and how approaching it head on and with kindness and directness are more likely to lead you to solutions than avoidance and emotional distance.

In 2009 I was cast as Caitlin O'Hare in "Over The River and Through The Woods" at the Rose Theatre alongside Dawn Wells (the actress who played Maryann in "Gilligan's Island"). This was a touching play about the love between grandparents and their grandkids, the traditions that keep families together and push them apart, and the generational expressions of love and how they evolve and change.

It's interesting that I was reminded of this show because this week my Grandma passed away. Thinking back on the show and it's subject matter, I see how lovely this piece is in the American theatre cannon, and how I view the subjectivity a little more tenderly thinking about how one of the ways my Grandma used to show her love for us all was in the special dishes and treats she regularly prepare for us, and how that was likely a generational expression of love she developed having lived through the Great Depression and WW2.

Dawn Wells passed away a couple of years ago. I hope that if she runs into my Grandma up there in heaven or whatever that they can share a laugh and a meal, as they were both kind, generous, and loving women.

In 2009 I was sad and decided to channel my sadness into making other people laugh, so I signed up for an improv class at the Comedy Bar. Turns out, I actually had signed up for a Stand-Up Comedy class, that culminated in a 5 minute performance at the end of the four week session. So for one brief night in 2009, I performed a bunch of jokes I had written to an audience, and it was equal parts terrifying and nerve-wracking. I'm not sure how I survived the five minutes, but I did it. And I learned a little about how comedians write their jokes, and deliver their punchlines.

In 2010, I had this brilliant idea that I would bring Seth Rudetsky to Toronto to do a masterclass for me and the musical theatre community. His agent said yes, if we also produced his show "Deconstructing Broadway". So I said yes. Without much experience, or money, or connections, I pulled off the Canadian Premiere of Deconstructing Broadway at the Isabel Bader Theatre. And I got to perform for Seth Rudetsky in the masterclass. It took a lot of hustle and was a steep learning curve of how to sell, and market, and produce for the theatre. Did I mention this was all while I was still working my day job at the law firm?

In 2015 I had the pleasure to be cast as Constance in King John at the Great River Shakespeare Festival. It was an excellent experience and education in the craft of Shakespearean performance, and I had a great time doing it. The days were long, I made some lasting friendships, but I didn't always have the tools to stand up for myself when I needed them. The experience was a 10/10 but it could have been even better if I had stuck to my guns instead of trying to people-please a student director who didn't have my best intentions in mind.

Uh oh! This one might get me in trouble with the powers that be! In college I was inducted into a secret society. Although I don't share all the details, I do talk about the "Readings" we created and how we tried to use comedy to unite and entertain. This was also indirectly my first taste of comedy writing. Listen hear about my dark past as a member of this secret society, mu wa ha ha ha!

Right after graduating university I got a job as an admin at a law firm. And it was satisfying to be doing work that felt meaningful and directly beneficial to the clientele. It also felt good to get a salaried paycheck and pay my rent! But it was a day job, not my dream job, and not what I wanted to do with my life. Eventually I got fired. But it was fun to get to know lawyers, what they do, how they can help you, and how to craft an argument that wins. That's why today I'm an actor who's not scared of contracts.

The beginning of 2009 was a difficult time for me. I wasn't cast in the television adaption of the web series Pure Pwnage. I didn't get a role in a play I wanted. I was working my day job at a law firm. This was such a stark difference from a few months before when I was living out my regional theatre dreams. Thank god for this production of Jerry Springer the Opera and it's bizarre content, difficult music, and fun cast because I needed an escape at this time in my life, and theatre was my safety blanket when it seemed like so many other things in my life were falling apart.

Philia in A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to the Forum was such a fun character to play. It was fun to play naive, because I was naive and the character wasn't that far of a stretch from the person I was at the time. This was my first time playing a lead in a musical in a regional theatre production, and my second time performing this Sondheim play. And it was such a joyful time in a beautiful theatre (Rose Theatre Brampton).

Me? A pop singer? Definitely not. Well, maybe, I guess? I could try? The imposter syndrome was heavy when I was interviewed by the press about an upcoming show in the Gay For Comedy Gala at the Panasonic Theatre in Toronto. And that lack of congruence is probably why I didn't get cast as a pop star in a reality show at that time. That's why they say "everything happens for a reason".

How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice. Or in my case, a good connection and being in the right place at the right time. Here I'll tell you a little bit about a memorable experience I had performing at one of New York's most prestigious theatres, even though it was never on my career to-do list.

In 2006 I landed my first professional theatre gig (with Equity credits!) in Drayton Entertainment's production of "Not Now Darling". As an actress, I got the thing I wanted (the job!), but it still left me wanting more.

In 2010 my friend Megan (Nuttall) Whalen asked me to create a Christmas show with her for the Richmond Hill Center of the Performing Arts in Toronto. Together with Megan, Daniel James, and Donavan LeNabat we created a Christmas Show in the vein of a radio play-gone-wrong for a hundreds of seniors in this matinee performance. If only I could have remembered the words.

I did a live reading for the CBC's Annual "A Christmas Carol" at my church when I was 19. And on the fly I decided to take some creative license with Mrs. Cratchit... and I don't think it worked.

One of the first times I got bit by the acting bug was in middle school, when I was cast as Tom Jenkins in the musical "Scrooge", an adaption of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol". The role meant a lot to me at the time, and also resonated with my grandfather.

Today's episode takes a look at my least favorite task: laundry. We all do it, we never talk about it. And for me it's my most hated chore.

I wanted to add that the job offer element of the O1 is what I found the hardest part. And there's not a one-size-fits-all answer.

And I also talk about why I rest every day, especially when the world is chaotic and the reality of the ongoing wars and genocides happening all over the world are overwhelming.

One of the things that I'd have to endure as an international artist (Canadian!) in the USA is obtaining an O1 Artist Visa. I've cried many tears over this painstaking process, and I'm sharing the basics here, so that hopefully you don't to.

Lawyer I referenced: Lehach and Filippa Esq

https://lehachfilippa.com/

O1 Organizational service: VISA PAQ

https://www.visapaq.com/

Good luck! You can do this because you are an important artist and we need your talent.

I enjoy Christmas, and I like to put my Christmas tree as soon as I can after Halloween. Over the years I've come to decorate my tree a little differently, and now whenever I look at it I'm reminded of my favorite people and places, whether they are still with us or not.

I don't even know where to start with this one, but it's been hard for me to admit that I was, for about 10 years, a counter-culture video gamer celebrity on the internet. And it was fun, and I wish I had let myself enjoy it more.

I'm a mom, and amongst the many many roles I have in my family, I've been through the ringer as a Potty Trainer. I'm sharing a little bit about our (less than ideal) journey with potty training, what's worked for us, what hasn't, and how I'm letting go of doing it perfectly.